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JARS of CLAY SELLS COMPUTERS... and SOULS!
In their latest album, The Eleventh Hour, Jars of Clay doesn't mention the name of Jesus one single time! What has happened to the darlings of the Christian rock world? Have they sold out? Apparently so... and to the Devil himself!
Let's put the pieces together:
1) See for yourself the complete lack of Jesus references in the lyrics or even in the liner notes of their latest project! 2) See for yourself this pretty little picture of the boys announcing an appearance at the Apple Store in Palo Alto, California (hell's playground). 3) Finally, and here's where everything comes together, read for yourself the article by Dr Richard Paley [which has been removed from the internet] which reveals, in a thrillingly imaginative expose, that Apple Computer Inc is a Tool of Satan!
CONCLUSION: Jars of Clay have sold their souls to the Devil. Read for yourself the article at the Apple Site and with your own eyes read where that guitar guy (we think it's the little one) says, "Yeah, we're Mac freaks." Not JESUS freaks, mind you - Mac freaks!!!!
Got any Jars of Clay albums? Get them out - the bonfire is stoked and ready!

UTAH POLYGAMISTS HOST OWN GAMES!
Tired of being shunned as an embarrassment by the Mormon hierarchy at Salt Lake, practising polygamist Elder Joseph Anderson of Anathema, Utah, decided to take matters into his own hands.
"The Council in Salt Lake don't want us seen or heard from during this year's Winter Olympics. Bad publicity, they call us, just because we want to obey the holy commands of Prophet Smith and marry a bunch of women. So we're calling attention to ourselves by holding our own games!"
Anderson and four other polygamist husbands banded together recently and created PolyGames 2002.
Each family represents a small nation with father/husbands acting as Rulers of their "nations." "Similar to the afterlife," they claim.
The games will be held at the football stadium in Anathema. "We'll have no problem putting 1000 people in there from just the 5 competing families. alone. When the wives and kids aren't competing, they'll sit in the stands and cheer - or else."
Events will include:
Women's 4x100m Relay (teams comprised of wives from within same "nation." Some families have two teams running)
Loaded Diaper Toss ("We've got a never ending supply ot them!" says Anderson.)
100-mile Tandem Boys Bicycle Run,
Hidden Plates Search!
Mountian Meadows Rifle Shooting Competition in which the fathers shoot at replicas of passing innocent immigrants.
But one competition stands out for the Rulers.
"This here's our favorite - Wife Wrestling. It's when the wives within the "nations" fight it our amongst each other. There's a lot of pentup jealousy a-waitin' to break out all over the place. Woo boy, that'll be worth the price of admission alone!" The last wife to remain standing will then go against the winning wives of the other nations in the Finals. The Gold Metal Winner will be exempted from child bearing for one whole year.
The polygamists even came up with their own flag, similar to the Olympic flag but with gold interlocking rings. "They symbolize wedding rings joined together in unison for a single cause - many women working together to please their one man. The Prophet would have loved it!"

PICTURE PICKING OFF A PALESTINIAN
Are you a native Israeli? Then the Israeli army wants you.
The Army brass is trying out a new idea to get more of its Jewish citizens to feel like they are involved in the ongoing struggle against the Palestinians - to get them to feel like they are making a difference.
A Israeli citizen who applies and is accepted can ride atop a fully armored vehicle as it plows through an unidentified city in the Gaza Strip or the West Bank.
That person then has permission to shoot his/her own Palestinian with an army-issued M16! But there's a catch:
You only get one bullet, and the Palestinian must be throwing a rock, although not necessarily at you.
But that's not all.
If you should happen to actually terminate a Palestinian you can have your picture taken standing over your trophy as shown here.
To keep this from becoming too popular and to appease foreign governments worried that Israel already goes too far, these expeditions only take place after a successful suicide terrorist attack by a Palestinian on innocent Israeli bystanders. This limits the safaris to only one per day.

ISLAMIC PRAYER TAKES A WHOLE NEW SPIN
A lot of Muslims have for centuries been complaining that their prayers were not being heard by Allah. "We pray to Allah for rain. We get no rain. We pray to Allah for help in destroying the infidel. We get caught," complains Amin Al-Pforwon-Wahn-Phorall.
Now it appears the reason for this lack of Allah-intervention has been discovered.
When Muslims pray they are supposed to face the shortest way to the Kaaba Shrine in Mecca, Saudi Arabia. Using a normal flat world map is an easy way to find which way to pray. For example, a normal world map shows that Muslims in Detroit should face southeast to get their prayers heard.
But this doesn't take into account the curvature of the Earth!
So a geographer from the UAE University produced a map for the everyday Muslim which allows one to find the true shortest distance to Kaaba based on a spherical globe. Now a prayer from Detroit takes a near-polar route to reach Mecca. Problem solved? Not quite.
It appears that two problems arise from this. One is that a prayer launched from Detroit passses throught Rome, symbolic home of the Christian infidel. For fear of being picked off by Catholic intercepters, MoTown Muslims must either launch prayers at a higher trajectory to go over Rome, or put a spin on their prayers which allows the prayers to curve around Italy altogether.
Another problem opened up by Islamic apologists recently is what the true shortest route to Mecca really is. Muslim mathematicians know the shortest route through a sphere is through it, not around it. Thus Muslim prayers should be directed through the Earth itself to get to Mecca. "This straight-through-the-earth method would solve the problem of anyone intercepting prayers or redirecting them elsewhere. One possible embarrassing problem here, though, involves the fact that Muslims on the other side of the world from Mecca - say, in the South Pacific - would actually have to pray into the ground itself; a potential health risk for the faithful. And no studies have been done to see if the prayers might be absorbed by the molten core of the Earth.
"We have a lot of work still ahead of us," says one of the faithful, "but some day we'll get it right."