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Reality? Denied!!

Images from the latest ultrasound techniques have been released to the public. Instead of the flat cross-section effect that we are used to seeing, this technique offers what are essentailly 3D snapshots of children in the womb.

Or are they?

Kate Muscleman from the Godless National Abortion Rights League (GNARL) in a press conference held at a local Planned Parenthood denied the images are real. "They are a hoax," she claimed, "perpetrated by the anti-choice element in society to emotionally blackmail empowered women into thinking that what they are carrying is a human. I mean look at the pictures. So cute, so real, so cuddly. It makes me sick that that ilk can't even make their propaganda look like reality."

When asked what the unborn really do look like Muscleman answered, "How should I know? I've never seen images of them. It is an issue of privacy. We don't do things like that here, you know, fully inform people. Wait, I mean, you know, we don't show them... uhhh... Well just look at it! A product of conception cannot [expletive] look like that. It just can't!" Then she quickly excused herself from the news conference.

When asked later for clarification of what Muscleman meant, GNARL did not return our calls.

We wish we made this up. Alas, it's true....

Icy pilgrimage under watchful eyes

NUNWUN (India) - Tens of thousands come each year, from ash-smeared Hindu holy men to housewives and prosperous professionals, driven by a deep faith to trek to an icy shrine high in the Himalayas in Indian Kashmir.

An Indian Border Security Force soldier guarding a hill top as pilgrims walk to the Amarnath shrine near Sangam, 135km north-east of Srinager. -- AFP

Uttering cries of 'Hail, hail Shiva', they travel along glacier-fed streams and through frozen mountain passes, climbing to 3,787m above sea level to worship a glistening phallus-like ice form they believe symbolises Lord Shiva, one of Hinduism's most revered deities.

Even the infirm seek to make the daunting 50km trek known as the Amarnath Yatra, braving the threat of deadly attacks by Muslim militants fighting New Delhi's rule in the disputed Himalayan territory and thin, high altitude air.

Many Hindus believe the pilgrimage will lead them to a state of nirvana or salvation.

Around 12,000 soldiers, paramilitary troops and police guard the icy route to the Amarnath shrine during the pilgrimage season that runs from mid-July to the end of August. Some 150,000 Hindus worldwide are expected to travel along the route this year. -- AFP

New Church Style Revealed!

American churches throughout the country will soon be copying the new architectural style of famed architect Charles LaVie and his new church design at GroupHug, The First Methodist Church in Saccharin, Nevada.

"We wanted the new style to reflect the present day American Church," says LaVie. "You know, invisible, hidden. Why if it weren't for the steeple you wouldn't even know it was there. You can look right through it and see the whole world around you."

Other major denominations are evidently interested in the new style. "My phone is ringing off the hook, exclaimed LaVie.

Nephilim Resurgence!

Yes, those crazy sinning big people from the book of Genesis are making a comeback. Caught here in a picture smuggled out of a secret camp, they have apparently started mixing with normal humans again. Only now they all dress real funny and spin around crazily.

"It's an effort to confuse the normal humans," says cult expert Jonathan Swift. "And see how the little guys are all dressed alike, like waiters at cheap italian restaurants. That's the Nephilim's attempt to force them to lose identity. it's all part of the early stages of cult formation. Soon you'll see the little fellas selling flowers at airports or riding around on bikes. I'd bet my house on it. Patheitic."