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HYMNS -- The Way We'd Sing Them (if we were honest)
The Door Magazine

1. I Surrender, Some
2. There Shall Be Sprinkles of Blessings
3. Fill My Spoon, Lord
4. Oh, How I Like Jesus
5. He's Quite a Bit to Me
6. I Love to Talk About Telling the Story
7. Take My Life and Let Me Be
8. It Is My Secret What God Can Do
9. There Is Scattered Cloudiness in My Soul Today
10. Where He Leads Me, I Will Consider Following
    
    
11. Just As I Pretend to Be
12. When the Saints Go Sneaking In
13. Sit Up, Sit Up for Jesus
14. A Comfy Mattress Is Our God
15. Self-Esteem to the World, The Lord Is Come
16. Oh, for a Couple of Tongues to Sing
17. Amazing Grace, How Interesting the Sound
18. Go Tell It on the Speed Bump
19. Special, Special, Special
20. Lord, Keep Us Loosely Connected to Your Word
    
    
21. Praise God From Whom All Affirmations Flow
22. My Hope Is Built on Nothing Much
23. O, God, Our Enabler in Ages Past
24. I Lay My Inappropriate Behavior on Jesus
25. Pillow of Ages, Fluffed for Me
26. All Hail the Influence of Jesus' Name!
27. When Peace, Like a Trickle
28. I'm Fairly Certain that My Redeemer Lives
29. We Give Thee but Still Think We Own
30. What an Acquaintance We Have in Jesus
    
    
31. My Faith Looks Around for Thee
32. Joyful, Joyful We Think Thee Pretty Good
33. Blessed Hunch
34. Above Average Is Thy Faithfulness
35. We Are Milling Around in the Light of God
36. Spirit of the Living God, Fall Somewhere Near Me
37. Blest Be the Tie that Doesn't Cramp My Style

The World's 20 Thinnest Books

20. FRENCH WAR HEROES - by Jacques Chirac
19. HOW I SERVED MY COUNTRY - by Jane Fonda
18. HOW TO BUILD YOUR OWN AIRPLANE - by John Denver
17. MY SUPER BOWL HIGHLIGHTS - by Dan Marino
16. THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL - by HILLARY CLINTON
15. MY LITTLE BOOK OF PERSONAL HYGIENE - by Osama Bin Laden
14. THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD - by Bill Gates
13. THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY - by Dennis Rodman
12. MY WILD YEARS - by Al Gore
11. AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC
10. AMERICA'S MOST POPULAR LAWYERS
9. DETROIT: a Travel Guide
8. A COLLECTION of MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES -by Dr. J. Kevorkian
7. EVERYTHING MEN KNOW ABOUT WOMEN
6. EVERYTHING WOMEN KNOW ABOUT MEN
5. MIKE TYSON'S GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
4. SPOTTED OWL RECIPES - by the EPA
3. THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
2. MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS - by O. J. Simpson
1. MY BOOK OF MORALS - by Bill Clinton with introduction by The Rev. Jessie Jackson

You know you're in California when:

Your coworker has 8 body piercings and none are visible.

You make over $300,000 and still can't afford a house.

You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English.

Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Breeze.

You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.

You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown and can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.

You know which restaurant serves the freshest arugula.

A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.

A low speed police pursuit will interrupt ANY TV broadcast.

Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.

A man gets on the bus in full leather regalia and crotchless chaps. You don't even notice.

Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing the baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney IS George Clooney.

Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.

It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station about "STORM WATCH 2004."

You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cell phones or pagers.

It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.

Both you AND your dog have a therapist.

Zen HotDog
The Door Magazine

So the Zen master steps up to the hot dog cart and says: "Make me one with everything."
The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen master, who pays with a $20 bill. The hot dog vendor puts the bill in the cash drawer and closes the drawer.
"Where's my change?" asks the Zen master.
And the hot dog vendor responds, "Change must come from within."

The Preacher and His Horse
(from the Internet)

A preacher went to the stables to buy a horse. The stable owner chose a beautiful bay horse and brought it over to the preacher. The stable owner said, "This horse is just perfect for you. This beautiful mare was raised by another preacher and the commands that this horse obeys would be very appropriate for you. For giddi-up you say, "PRAISE GOD," and to stop you say, "AMEN."

The preacher was very pleased so he bought the horse and rode it home. On the way he crossed a meadow. His excitement at the beauty of the scene was overwhelming and he said "PRAISE GOD" and the horse galloped across toward some hills. He maintained his speed going up the hill and then he saw a cliff! "What was I supposed to say to stop?? What? What? What? Oh yes! AMEN!! AMEN!"

The horse stopped at the very edge of a cliff. The preacher wiped the sweat off his brow said, "PRAISE GOD"!!