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"You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it."
— Bill Cosby
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10. Sometimes stays in bed until after 6 AM.
9. In his sock drawer you find pictures of women without bonnets.
8. Shows up at barn raisings in full KISS makeup.
7. When you criticize him, he says, "I hate thee!"
6. His name is Jebediah, but he goes by "JebDaddy."
5. Defiantly says, "If we had electricity, I'd listen to rap."
4. You come across his secret stash of colorful socks.
3. Uses slang expression, "Talk to the hand, 'cause the beard ain't listening."
2. Police catch him doing 20 mph in a buggy with flames painted on the side.
And the #1 sign to worry that your Amish teenager is in trouble:
1. He's wearing his big black hat backwards.
If Women Ruled the World 4
gleaned from email forwards
A Catholic Confusion
In an ancient monastery in a faraway place, a new monk arrived to join his brothers in copying books and scrolls in the monastery's scriptorium. He was assigned to be a replicator of books that had already been copied by the other monks.
One day, he asked Father Florian (the rather ancient head of the scriptorium), "Does not the copying by hand of other copies allow for error? How do we know we are not copying the mistakes of someone else? Are they ever checked against the original?" Fr. Florian was taken aback by the observation of this youthful monk.
"A very good point, my son. I will take one of the latest books down to the vault and compare it against the original."
Fr. Florian went down to the vault and began his verification. After a day had passed, the monks began to worry and went down looking for the old priest. They were sure something must have
happened. As they approached the vault, they heard crying. When they opened the door, they found Fr. Florian sobbing over the new copy and the original ancient book, both of which were opened before him on the table. It was obvious to all that the poor man had been crying his heart out for a long time.
"What is the problem, Reverend Father?" asked one of the monks.
"No no no no," sobbed the priest. "In the ancient book of the sacred rites of priesthood...the word is *celebrate*."
Footprints, Revisited
One night I had a wondrous dream,
One set of footprints there was seen,
The footprints of my precious Lord,
But mine were not along the shore.
But then some stranger prints appeared,
And I asked the Lord, "What have we here?"
Those prints are large and round and neat,
"But Lord, they are too big for human feet."
"My child," He said in somber tones,
"For miles I carried you alone.
I challenged you to walk in faith,
But you refused and made me wait."
"You disobeyed, you would not grow,
The walk of faith, you would not know,
So I got tired, I got fed up,
And there I dropped you on your butt."
"Because in life, there comes a time,
When one must fight, and one must climb,
When one must rise and take a stand,
Or leave their buttprints in the sand."
Author unknown
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In a London, England cemetery:
Ann Mann
Here lies Ann Mann,
Who lived an old maid
But died an old Mann.
Dec. 8, 1767
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Playing with names in a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:
Here lies
Johnny Yeast
Pardon me
For not rising.
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A lawyer's epitaph in England:
Sir John Strange
Here lies an honest lawyer,
And that is Strange.
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| In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:
Anna Wallace
The children of Israel wanted bread
And the Lord sent them manna,
Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna.
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Memory of an accident in a Uniontown, Pennsylvania cemetery:
Here lies the body
of Jonathan Blake
Stepped on the gas
Instead of the brake.
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Lester Moore was a Wells, Fargo Co. station agent for Naco, Arizona in the cowboy days of the 1880's. He's buried in the Boot Hill Cemetry in
Tombtone, Arizona:
Here lies Lester Moore
Four slugs from a .44
No Les No More.
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| In a Georgia cemetery:
"I told you I was sick!"
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John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England, cemetery:
Reader if cash thou art
In want of any
Dig 4 feet deep
And thou wilt find a Penny.
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In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England:
On the 22nd of June
- Jonathan Fiddle -
Went out of tune.
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| More fun with names with Owen Moore in Battersea, London, England:
Gone away
Owin' more
Than he could pay.
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Someone in Winslow, Maine didn't like Mr. Wood
In Memory of Beza Wood
Departed this life
Nov. 2, 1837
Aged 45 yrs.
Here lies one Wood
Enclosed in wood
One Wood
Within another.
The outer wood
Is very good:
We cannot praise
The other.
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On a grave from the 1880's in Nantucket, Massachusetts:
Under the sod and under the trees
Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
He is not here, there's only the pod:
Pease shelled out and went to God.
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| The grave of Ellen Shannon in Girard, Pennsylvania is almost a consumer tip:
Who was fatally burned
March 21, 1870
by the explosion of a lamp
filled with "R.E. Danforth's
Non-Explosive Burning Fluid"
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Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:
Born 1903--Died 1942
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if
the car was on the way down. It was.
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In a cemetary in England:
Remember man, as you walk by,
As you are now, so once was I,
As I am now, so shall you be,
Remember this and follow me.
To which someone replied by writing on the tombstome:
To follow you I'll not consent,
Until I know which way you went.
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The Funny Pages + Humorville 6
